i want to take a knife so badly into my pitiful self pitied wrist it hurts.

i hate this feeling. this feeling of helplessness.

i can freak out all i fucking want but the only thing ill get out of it is a stuffed up nose and red eyes.

i hate all of this. i just want to feel good everytime i talk to you.

i want to get out of our conversations feeling the truth--that i love you more than anything and that i would do anything for you, and that i am so incredibly lucky to have you.
but for a while, ive come out of it feeling like nothing.

i am so nothing.